December 2, 2014 at 4:41 am #31004
This is discussion for new article about the cost of violence. What is your plan to deal with aftermath of violence? Did you think about how far you let certain members of your group go or protect them from doing real bad things?December 2, 2014 at 6:41 am #31009
This is an interesting topic to me, it seems like we have learned through books and history that SOCIETY BREAKS DOWN UNDER STRESS…i feel like we cannot let ourseles deviate from the word HUMAN. if we become more animal and more blood thirsty and violent, then we are no longer living up to the title Human…
"I'd be a dumbass if i didn't plan for EVERY contingency"December 2, 2014 at 2:04 pm #31016
It is hard to know right now. Till the SHTF times happen we really do not know how we will deal with violence. When a member of your family is killed will you change? will you become more violent? All is hard to know till it happens to you. As members in your group will need to be able to help the other members that become violent is very important but not easy to do.December 2, 2014 at 2:08 pm #31017
Thank you for sharing Selco.I have never experienced what you have, and I can only use my imagination and the words you have shared to even try to get an idea of what it is like to carry your “dark passenger”. The closest I can relate was once during weapons training in martial arts class. I accidentally drew blood from a good friend who was my training partner at the time. The sight of him bleeding from wounds I inflicted made me very upset, and I lost control of my emotions for a brief period of time. Again, compared to you, I have no idea what it is like. But thanks again for sharing your story.December 2, 2014 at 3:33 pm #31029
Movies/TV etc glorify violence done ‘in the name of Right’ but yes, Selco, all of it becomes a dark presence and stays with us. Whether necessary for survival or merely the ‘norm’ of the times of war.
I did not experience nearly what you have, but grew up in an abusive and violent cult. My own isolated world of tears, pain and violence. I can function well in society now but nightmares and anger sometimes return in the night. Scars from childhood remain. In my case I still have guilt about things I did and did not do–for instance, did not protect others just tried to survive myself. Allowed terrible things to happen to other children. Thank God I have a strong and gentle husband who understands and is my friend.
I believe that an understanding group around you can heal a lot. I know that my grandmother and her elderly friends used to whisper about the terrible things that happened to their friends and families in WWI when they were being exterminated in Turkey. I think it was shared to let out some of the dark caged memories.
You say when your former group got together they could not talk openly–perhaps the Jewish people experienced some cleansing catharsis by publicly displaying the WWII Nazi horrors in front of the world. Yet, I think they have held on to it as a badge of victim-honor… Not sure it actually has healed much by relentlessly avenging themselves on the perpetrators. Perhaps forgiveness might have been more the moral high ground.
So, no, I have no words of wisdom as to how to deal with the scars left by violence. Especially if you are the one who committed it, no matter how justified. I know that personally, my faith in God, His forgiveness of me through Jesus Christ, thus my (sometimes repeated) forgiveness of those who wronged me, and His Presence in my life have helped me heal far more than many others from my past. Maybe, for those of us who might have to ‘do violence’ to survive, the difficult ability to forgive oneself might be a key as well.December 2, 2014 at 5:07 pm #31030
You may forgive yourself simply because you did nothing wrong. Adults should protect children. Children are children and will act the way they think best. And just that is perfectly fine.
BIG HUGDecember 2, 2014 at 5:18 pm #31031
We don’t forgive the other guy for his benefit. We forgive the other guy to help heal our own wounds… We also must find a way to forgive ourselves for our part in the tragic story… This is much harder.
Any abuse of drugs, alcohol or prescription medication is just pain management. The pain may be in the body or in the mind. At first, it’s a good strategy and gives us time to find another way to manage the pain.
Some people say the best revenge is living a good life. Living a good life starts with forgiving others, then finding a way to forgive ourselves. Talking about tragic events does not help… For our minds, it’s like re-living the event. Avoid thinking or talking about the tragic events… because it is like re-living it again… and again… and again.
Move on. Find something to live for. Have the best revenge, and live a good life.December 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm #31099
A rambling screed.. no rhyme or reason to it… it’s just how I feel.
I had to go over to the Veterans Hospital yesterday. Blood draw for tests. I don’t like going there.
All of us have the same expression. Most of us waiting don’t talk to each other. If we do talk, it’s about who was where, and when. Then some politician comes on the news, blathering about the latest outrage they’re forcing on us…. “for our own good”… and you see the outrage. The old, cold fury rises. You see the men they were once. Dangerous men. And you sit and wonder, “what if?”…
Selco, your friend at the parking lot… and the other one. They’re not alone in how they feel.
Even to this day, I go though the same list… enter a restaurant. Look around the room. Plate glass windows. Not good. Plate glass can be nasty. Stay away from that. Look for the back exit. Sit near the back exit, far from the front of the building, back to the wall. Size up the people in the restaurant. Are they alone or not. Watch their eyes and hands.
If I have to carry something, I always carry it in my left hand. Car keys go into my left pocket, every time. I want to keep my right hand free.
I don’t think I’ve slept more than 3 hours straight in the last 12 or 15 years…
I know the frustration your friend feels – watching the criminals running the country, and you can’t do anything about it. It’s infuriating.
To make matters worse, every year they trot us out and call us “Heroes”… I’m no hero. I completely reject that, and I have stopped going to anything to do with “celebrating” veterans… it’s nothing but Kabuki Theater.
Some poor bastard gets sent into harms way, gets blown to bits, but he lives. His life and body are destroyed. But, once a year, him and guys like him, are trotted out for a few minutes – not to honor them, but to make people feel better. To assuage the guilt they feel about having sent that poor boy to be blown up. They applaud and congratulate them, but most of them just want to be away from them as quickly as possible. Seeing the results of their warmongering up close and personal makes them feel uncomfortable…
The politicians don’t give a s**t either. We’re pawns in the Great Game of them making money. It’s them I despise most. Seeing some guy retire from the Government a multimillionaire because he helped manuver us into a never-ending war… he just “happens” to own a controlling interest in “Bombs R Us”, which sells munitions to the military…
You just do what you can to get by. It is what it is and you have to accept that. Each has to find their own path…
The wicked flee when none pursueth..." - Proverbs 28:1December 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm #31110
Malgus, sometimes reality really sucks.
“Illegitimi non carborundum.” or “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.”December 3, 2014 at 7:43 pm #31118
Yep Malgus, you said it very well my friend.December 3, 2014 at 8:04 pm #31124
Malgus, when you said “All of us have the same expression. Most of us waiting don’t talk to each other.” It just got to me that this is happening. The Veterans Hospitals need to all be upgraded to the best level in health. Veterans are why we have freedoms and liberty. Veterans should be talking to each other over how good the country treats them.
This just gets me mad how the government spend billions on programs that then lose or close down but they have a problem making the Veterans Hospitals the best Hospitals in the world.
I also agree with you on all the rest of your post.December 3, 2014 at 8:34 pm #31128
It’s human nature and will not change. You are right the Veterans are put on display to make everyone feel better. Like seeing some guy that could have been you in a wheelchair makes me feel better.
I can’t stop thinking about Winston Churchill. One of the truly great leaders of WWII. When the war was over how did the British people show their thanks, by throwing him out of office. His thinking wasn’t progressive enough for the post war era. So it goes over and over again. Just pray that the next time to battle flag goes up there will be men like Churchill ready to step in the breach.December 4, 2014 at 8:19 pm #31233
Hello Selco and forum visitors.
Thank you for your stories.
I too drink alone, I used to smoke weed, but now I drink.
I have ptsd from violent childhood abuse.
I can’t share much but I have sort of gang history.
Never been convicted, but strange memories. With strange violent people.
My grandfathers were in the military, one was special forces and did special hitman jobs, interrogations etc. He’s dead already quite some years. However, family of of dead people joined forces, organized activist websites etc. to look for my grandfather because of ‘human rights violations’. My grandfather just followed orders, but I do think he liked doing in somehow and he was good at it. Very good. Recently I watched a docuentary about him and his colleagues.
Nobody understands me completely. I live in very civilized society.
PTSD gave me lots phycical problems (I used to be a strong athlete). Now after 3 years of therapy that’s going away.
For me watching movies is not the same as for others.
I did not live through a war or through combat, but I do see the results of my grandfather’s violence and my own ‘bad’ choices in the past.
You always carry something with you, a survival mode…
I did improve, I can now sit with my back towards a door… But I don’t trust anybody.
Good luck everybody, cheers.December 5, 2014 at 1:30 am #31273
Hello Intense Realism, glad to have you with us.December 5, 2014 at 1:44 am #31275
Welcome Intense Realism.
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