Like you, I wrestled with the feelings of having to take another life. In the end, I decided that it was either him or me, and I chose me. Why should I feel guilt for destroying one who is bent on destroying me?
I look at it this way – The Almighty has gifted me with life. For me not to defend that life to my last breath would be a direct affront to the Almighty. Literally, a rejection of His gift, which is an abomination. Therefore, I will fight teeth and claws to defend it using the best means available to me. A life you do not defend can hardly be said to exist.
4. You rationalize it until you can justify your actions. After that, it becomes “taking out the trash”. It is a duality of nature that a warrior must possess – the ability to compartmentalize. Literally, “cage the animal” until it is time to let the animal free. I love my family completely and unconditionally, but I know that I also possess the will to vivisect anyone who threatens them or me, and I’m okay with that.
The wicked flee when none pursueth..." - Proverbs 28:1