January 9, 2015 at 8:31 am #33990
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like many women — she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Hatcher,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.’ This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.January 9, 2015 at 5:01 pm #34040
Namelus, thanks for the laugh! Very funny!
I liked the tomato juice… but I think the anti-depression meds totally cracked me up!January 9, 2015 at 6:02 pm #34049
What? These activities aren’t normal?
http://ageofdecadence.comJanuary 9, 2015 at 8:38 pm #34069
Still wiping tears out of my eyes!!!!! Thanks I needed that.January 9, 2015 at 9:05 pm #34074
We’re coming up on our 40th anniversary and gave up the shopping together thing within a month of the wedding. There is such a thing as too much togetherness. LOLJanuary 10, 2015 at 3:12 am #34132
Thank you, Namelus, for the levity. My Wife used to hate going shopping with her Mother and Grandmother. They always went shopping in Dallas at least once a week, but when they came up here, they always wanted to go shopping in our Mall. My wife went with them one time, and after 2 hours of shopping, my Wife told them she had some things to do at home and for them to call her when they were ready to come back to the house. They called after 7 more hours and wanted to go back the next day. Whe I took them shopping in Dallas, I always took a book and just sat in the car reading until they were ready. Ron SJanuary 10, 2015 at 8:18 pm #34200
Depends on the woman . My ex wife , was one of those that had to try on everything , read the contents of every food label , on and on . After the first few times , I refused to go with her shopping , ever again . The Russian woman I’m with now is a different story , she is like me in a store , She knows what she wants , gets it , and before I know it , she is tugging on my sleeve saying ” lets go ! ” . My older sister is another one , as we have some of the same interests . I take her to antique stores and gun shows .January 11, 2015 at 11:21 am #34219
I’m a typical man, get in-get what I want(if its not on my list I don’t want it) and get out again, wife isn’t too bad, she only picks up a couple of things that aren’t on the list, her sister is the worst! she browses for hours!!!
British Survivalist.January 11, 2015 at 3:51 pm #34220
Depends on the woman . My ex wife , was one of those that had to try on everything , read the contents of every food label , on and on . After the first few times , I refused to go with her shopping , ever again . The Russian woman I’m with now is a different story , she is like me in a store , She knows what she wants , gets it , and before I know it , she is tugging on my sleeve saying ” lets go ! ” . My older sister is another one , as we have some of the same interests . I take her to antique stores and gun shows .
I was gonna say, “Merican Woman” for the EX lol
I do most of the shopping, it’s pretty much in-n-out. I have my list, and I know the store, so I plan my route and save time. If the OL happens to be with me, I take 1 item at a time, and run around fetching items and returning them to cart like a bird dog Good exercise for me and it gets us out quicker, and I see more scenery
"ROGUE ELECTRICIAN" Hoping to be around to re-energize the New World.....
Cogito, ergo armatus sumJanuary 11, 2015 at 7:02 pm #34224
Men buy.January 12, 2015 at 8:53 pm #34274
Amen Pheonix!!! I have to say I would love to see the look on peoples faces for # 16January 13, 2015 at 11:34 am #34332
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