Tagged: death, depression, guilt, killing, ptsd, will to kill
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April 27, 2014 at 6:17 am #11181
I live in the US, so the right to self defense is guaranteed. We can own forearms, and I own several. However, the question remains, could you do it?
I had to make that decision back in 1995. I was working as a security supervisor, and was authorized to open carry while on duty. I got a call of a vagrant sleeping on the property, and responded. I called the police for assistance, and an officer responded. We confronted the guy, and all seemed well at first. The perp waited until the officer leaned into his mic to call in an ID check, and produced an ice pick, stabbing the officer twice in the chest in the matter of seconds. I immediately drew and fired, hitting the perp twice in the chest. He died at the scene. I was 21 at the time, and this was my first time in that situation. Countless hours of training prepared me for the situation, but no amount of preparation could prepare me for actually taking another life. I felt justified in my actions, and the officer agreed I’d saved not only his life, but the life of myself and a fellow security officer. I never went to trial, and the DA ruled it a good shoot. I still felt guilt for my actions, though. It took me months to cope with the fact I’d ended a life. I got over it, and would not hesitate in the same situation if needed.
Herein lies my question. You are in a situation where you are out of options. The chips are down, and you are faced with kill or be killed. You are looking down the sights at another human being hell-bent on ending your life. Do you have “the warrior’s heart” to pull the trigger? Could you live with yourself knowing you’d ended another person’s life?
Never challenge a man who has nothing left to lose.
April 27, 2014 at 7:16 am #11182You saved a man’s life, well done.
According to Col Grossman in on killing being able to pull the trigger mostly works because of being trained to do so.
I hope I train well.
I’m pretty sure I would have a hard time explaining to myself that I took another person’s life.
April 27, 2014 at 8:17 am #11190You forgive yourself or one of three things happens 1) you find something to kill the pain and hide in it till there is nothing left of you. 2) you become so intimate with death it is all you know and in the end you just search for away to end yourself. 3)you become a ghoul who only lives to do kill others and someone has to come for you.
April 27, 2014 at 12:25 pm #11212@ Lone,
Like you, I wrestled with the feelings of having to take another life. In the end, I decided that it was either him or me, and I chose me. Why should I feel guilt for destroying one who is bent on destroying me?
I look at it this way – The Almighty has gifted me with life. For me not to defend that life to my last breath would be a direct affront to the Almighty. Literally, a rejection of His gift, which is an abomination. Therefore, I will fight teeth and claws to defend it using the best means available to me. A life you do not defend can hardly be said to exist.
@ namelus
4. You rationalize it until you can justify your actions. After that, it becomes “taking out the trash”. It is a duality of nature that a warrior must possess – the ability to compartmentalize. Literally, “cage the animal” until it is time to let the animal free. I love my family completely and unconditionally, but I know that I also possess the will to vivisect anyone who threatens them or me, and I’m okay with that.
The wicked flee when none pursueth..." - Proverbs 28:1
April 27, 2014 at 4:16 pm #11246I could do it …no problem if it was clear cut self defense or defense of loved ones . Would It bother me after the fact ?…. most likely . But remorse is the luxury of the living .
April 27, 2014 at 4:30 pm #11251I agree Tolik, for defense or family same here. And yes I follow the old saying. “Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.”
Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
George S. PattonApril 27, 2014 at 6:43 pm #11262Training help you much in doing “pulling the trigger” without too much thinking. It is not giving you super powers but it help you, and when the moment come everything counts.
Could you live with yourself knowing you’d ended another person’s life?
Sure, most people could live with that, but if you talk about quality of that life that is the other thing.
Sooner or later it becomes something that you need to cope with, think about it, dream about it. Then you gonna look for techniques for living with fact that you took other people lives etc.Some people accept it better, some not, simply it is not normal to take other man life, even if it is justified. So, man need time to solve some things in head.
From the experience, do not think that if you take someone s life, it is gonna be much easier later because it was justified.
Yes, it can be bring to the point of the doing like you are “taking out trash” , i know that, but expect to be in problems later because that, you gonna pay emotionally for that, even years later.
Of course all this do not mean that you need to “pacifist” if someone put your life in danger.
Simply some things need to be done when times came, and simply some things need to be paid for.April 27, 2014 at 6:45 pm #11264Gypsy Wanderer Husky wrote:
I agree Tolik, for defense or family same here. And yes I follow the old saying. “Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.”Gypsy, you could add the poem by Kipling re: The Female of the Species (is More Deadly Than the Male).
April 27, 2014 at 6:56 pm #11266You live every day with assassin guilt if finds you when you are weak and tired it gets into your mind and makes you relive it or each time you do it. selco is right right or wrong you will feel the full judgement when these ideas come home to roost. I can say i did it because my country needed it, i can say i did to for my squad, i can say i did it for my life and others. when i am alone with with my thoughts i fight the images alone. I call it assassin guilt because it stalks you and finds you no matter where you go to hide i knows you shadows you and all you can do when it comes is to relive and remember why.
you will need to find away to live with it, the first part the killing is easy the living with it is not quite so easy if you still desire to have some what “normal” relations with other
April 27, 2014 at 10:33 pm #11288Lone Eagle,
I read the story and got many things out of it. First how fast the officer got stabbed with the ice pick and in the chest twice (in seconds). It also tells me that we also have seconds to react to an attack. In another post we talked about knife attacks and one thing we all learned is in any SHTF we can not get to close to anyone because someone can stab you many times in seconds.
The other thing that I got if that shooting someone or killing someone will stay with you for ever. All of us will have to defend our families in a SHTF and we will all be put in a situation were in seconds we have to shot someone or more then one.
It will do be easy to take a life.
April 28, 2014 at 12:31 am #11290Oh I know I would have to live with it. But this far I already live with the fact that three children died in my home.I know the fire wasn’t my fault but the guilt of not being able to protect and safe them is still there. I am fully able to understand the pain that will come with it afterwards tell that to the dreams, and night sweats That I still have. As one was my own five year old son.
Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
George S. PattonApril 28, 2014 at 12:48 am #11295Selco, would you please tell the story about the guy with the gun getting killed by the guy with the knife?
Robin
April 28, 2014 at 12:52 am #11296Gypsy, I am very sorry for what happen to you. May God help you everyday with the pain in your heart.
April 28, 2014 at 4:25 am #11316Both the heart and ability.
Found that out my first shift on the street (ex LEO), when I found myself pulling the trigger back.
There’s a guilt that’s been created in the last 50-60 years that you didn’t see prior to WWII. Justified killing was just that, and a part of life and many jobs.
Now even the animals have feelings, rights and such.
Before, you behaved like an animal, you were treated like one.
Little trayvon had a bad childhood so he turns to crime because his mommy didn’t love him enough? Big deal, not my problem.
I ain’t his mother, father or keeper. He wants to behave like an animal, I have zero problems putting him down like one.
Hard hearted? No, just realistic.
I used to hunt men. Theres no other way of saying it. I would have lost zero sleep after shooting any of those, had it happened. I had already resigned myself to the inevitability of the situation.
Bad guy should have gotten a job and taken care of his family, not been out causing his own demise.
April 28, 2014 at 4:30 am #11317<div class=”d4p-bbp-quote-title”>Whirlibird wrote:</div>Hard hearted? No, just realistic.
I agree with this 100%
And thank you Freedom it means alot.Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
George S. Patton -
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