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Hi Hydix,
Welcome to the site, funny stories it should be fun to hear more. I can teach you how to give yourself stitches. Use super glue/crazy glue. Dry it the best you can and squirt it in the cut then close. Apply a bandage of glue on top to hold it closed. Let it get hard and do not touch it to see if it is dry. You will glue your finger to the cut.