Very good Danie! Mental preparation to any potential combat is more important than any object used for that combat. It’s too hard to get your body to go where your mind hasn’t. I’ve known “trained cops” and “tough swat guys” who have ran, hid, cried, when the bullets started flying. Before that, they swore they were the best.
A great book to read by Col David Grossman, is On Killing. That will give you what you need to mentally understand and accept, then train hard. He’s written other good books, but stick with this one.