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Roadracer I fight a similar feeling quite frequently. When you know you are being constantly lied to and are being “sheltered” from all the gory details it is inevitable you are going to feel like you missed something. Don’t sweat it so much. Yes, we are all missing something but because of your hyper vigilance you will see it long before the average person will and will have time to take action. My struggle is with the feeling that the end is close and that it is going to be really bad. Some days it is just an understanding that it is coming and other days it is a gnawing nagging feeling that won’t go away. Those are the days I take time to pray and ask God what he is trying to tell me. Often times the answer is a redirect of my focus, maybe stop working on this prep and focus on a different prep. Sometimes the redirect doesn’t make sense but when I have made the change there is a peace that comes. I am learning to trust God more. I know someday there will be those moments when each of the redirects will make sense. They will be those golden nuggets that when all hell is breaking loose around you, they will be that peace knowing God was looking out for you before all this started. He knew what was going to happen and He made a way for you.