Coming from a correctional and security background, yes, I have had to defend my life as well as the lives of others to the death. Sometimes in hand to hand situations where force multipliers were not available. In a real life and death situation, things happen very, very quickly. There is no time to decide whether you will or will not use deadly force. You either do or you die. Plain and simple. The reaction has to be instantaneous. If you pause long enough to begin pondering the situation, it’s too late for you. The lingering affects also do not simply go away over time nor can you simply compartmentalize them and go on like nothing ever happened. You will never be the same…ever. I have seen and done things that still give me nightmares after 20 years. It’s not as simple as “just moving on.” I dare say those here who say they have are either lying to themselves or to us. Either way, they’re not being truthful.