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Intense Realism

Hello Selco and forum visitors.
Thank you for your stories.
I too drink alone, I used to smoke weed, but now I drink.
I have ptsd from violent childhood abuse.
I can’t share much but I have sort of gang history.
Never been convicted, but strange memories. With strange violent people.
My grandfathers were in the military, one was special forces and did special hitman jobs, interrogations etc. He’s dead already quite some years. However, family of of dead people joined forces, organized activist websites etc. to look for my grandfather because of ‘human rights violations’. My grandfather just followed orders, but I do think he liked doing in somehow and he was good at it. Very good. Recently I watched a docuentary about him and his colleagues.

Nobody understands me completely. I live in very civilized society.
PTSD gave me lots phycical problems (I used to be a strong athlete). Now after 3 years of therapy that’s going away.

For me watching movies is not the same as for others.
I did not live through a war or through combat, but I do see the results of my grandfather’s violence and my own ‘bad’ choices in the past.
You always carry something with you, a survival mode…

I did improve, I can now sit with my back towards a door… But I don’t trust anybody.

Good luck everybody, cheers.