#26903
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TheSaint
Survivalist
member1

I had a heart attack back on The 4th of July this year…

“Died” on the Cath-Lab table; for how long- no one will say.

I always thought I had “seen” death in my life experiences- from cancer patients/family- soldiers and car accidents to beloved pets and farm animals to slaughter- but those instances were just “active watching”. “Participating” in death is when you either “know” or become actively involved in the whole procedure.

Could I tell a yarn of great struggle and of iconic acceptance to a fate guaranteed to us all in some form or fashion in our fated futures..? I’m sure I could; everyone likes a good story and as Americans we love to hear that our hopes and dreams don’t stop at mediocrity. But… No; of course I won’t- what’s been noted in our esteemed host’s blog/forum is quite accurate. For me- I see things a bit differently:

If things during the HA “death” had continued…
If I had been only 10 years earlier- succumbing to a heart attack with technology 10 years behind…
If I had been in the wrong place at the wrong time; at home or pulled over at the side of the road in my car…
If…

As it stands- I passed this mortal coil briefly and oddly enough, incredibly easily.

Time didn’t stop. There was no “doorway”. I didn’t have my life flash before my eyes.
I laid on a hospital slab, surrounded by people who cared but with a detachment reserved for those who I’m sure dealt with life and death on an hourly basis greater than my own: And if not for a wallet, a name pin and some printed information…

I would have died in abject anonymity and pitiful silence.

Selco is correct- you don’t walk away from the noted permanence of death- whether you’ve witnessed it or participated/cheated it- without being changed. Once, twice- a hundred times and if you’re not obviously affected by it immediately; time and constant chipping will most certainly whether even the most stoic of mountains.

It’s the changes we undergo and how we choose to deal with them that make us “heroic”, “noble” or whatever grande axiom we want to attach to this life experience we call “Death”.

"We all have our delusions my dear- far be it from me to take away yours."