Uh.. thanks… Not used to getting compliments.

I wasn’t a very… conventional… soldier or NCO… my commanders either loved me or hated my guts… split even about 50/50.

Example: When I was still brand new, I had this E7. Panamanian guy. Couldn’t understand one word in three coming out of his mouth. He HATED my guts. Forced me to sleep in my sleeping bag with my rifle. Problem was, they gave me a sleeping bag that was way too small, so there was room for me or my rifle, but not both. So, I slept with it next to me, sleep being a precious commodity and I loves me some sleep. :) So, he decides to **** with me…

Dickhead kept taking my rifle while I was asleep. To get it back, I had to go dig a foxhole. Next night, I tied the rifle to me with a series of very complicated knots… unable to figure out the knots, he cuts the line and takes my rifle. Another foxhole.

Next day, when he wasn’t around, I dug a trench under my sleeping bag. Put the rifle in it, then my big ass on top of it.

Next morning:

SFC Dickhead: “Hey! Where yo rifle?” (He pronounced it “Rah-Fuhl”… apparently, he was unsuccessful in his attempts at stealing my rifle during the night)
Me (pulling the rifle out from under me): “TA-DAAA!” (like I was performing a magic trick)
SFC Dickhead (surprised): “NO NO NO! You gone dig me a foxhole!”
Me: “Oh BULLSHIT! You’re just pissed off because I outsmarted you!”
SFC Dickhead: “Dig a foxhole, or you get an Article 15 (non-judicial punishment).”
Me: (storming away) “FINE! I’ll build you the fucking Taj Mahal if you want… ”
SFC Dickhead: “What?”
Me: “Nothing… (mumbling under my breath something about him being a non-english speaking lawn-chair NCO)…

Shortly thereafter, the good SFC “lost” his rifle… couldn’t find it anywhere. It was discovered nearby after a brief search, but apparently was suffering from having been run over by a 5 ton truck… terrible shame, that.

The wicked flee when none pursueth..." - Proverbs 28:1