I know I have the heart from some violent encounters in my teenage years with weapons involved. Back then there was this “barrier” one had to break through to hurt people and I remember how weird it felt to punch someone in the face and hear their nose break or hit them with some weapon the first time. If you are with others who encourage this violent behavior, peer pressure works wonders unfortunately. Once that barrier to commit violence is gone it seems to stay gone forever.
I did not feel guilt but life has its ways to get back at you so I did have my share of dark episodes that were related to my lifestyle and Im happy to have left this behind me and learned to manage my demons. I do believe in something that some might call “karma” and that being an honest and good person is not only good for people around you but also for yourself. I really poisoned myself with all the hate and anger I cultivated when I was a teenager and it took some years to get rid of these negative mental habits.
I also believe if some things have to be done and I know other people in my group would suffer more from it than I would do, I would volunteer to do them.
If the things that have to be done would be regular things, I would make sure everyone is capable of doing them and handling the consequences. There is a danger if you are too protective of some people, because one day you might just stumble and fall and break your neck and they might have a hard time to get by without you.
Selco, would you please tell the story about the guy with the gun getting killed by the guy with the knife?
Here is the story on the blog Robin.
Alea iacta est ("The die has been cast")